Anna's
Adoption from Vietnam
By Kim Saxon
The day that our oldest child, Johnathan, was born was the most glorious day of my life. The sight of my beautiful son screaming to the top of his lungs, and the tears rolling down my husbands face is a sight I will never forget. I tried to make sure that I took as many mental pictures of those first few moments as I could as I lay there on the operating table after having just undergone a c-section. This was a day that all the so-called experts said would never happen, and I was going to soak it all in.
The minute that I held Johnathan for the first time, I knew that God had planned my life for me. I was meant to be this child’s mother. Holding Johnathan, as I laid there so sore from the surgery, I cannot tell you how happy I was. It felt so good to know that I had successfully given birth to a healthy baby in spite of everything I had been told all my life about my infertility.
Almost immediately I told my husband that we had to do this again. Even though I had been advised against it, we started trying to get pregnant only six months after Johnathan was born. All the doctors told me that I should give my body at least two years to heal from the c-section, but who were they? They weren’t God, and I was going to place my family in God’s hands and just see what happened. After all, the doctors didn’t think that I could get pregnant anyway so why should it matter if we did officially start trying. We wanted to add to our family, and if God wanted it to be, then he would make it happen.
Being a mother was what I was meant to do. I knew that from the instant that I held Johnathan for the first time. I treasure the opportunity of being able to spend his first year at home with him. To see him grow into a little person was nothing less than a miracle. I could not wait to add another child to our family. I wanted to see Johnathan be a big brother. I wanted to “complete” our family, but by the time Johnathan was two I started to doubt whether I would ever be able to have another baby. It was then that we decided to see a specialist.
By the time Johnathan was eight years old, I was convinced that I would never have another child. We went through treatment after treatment, and nothing seemed to work. All of the medical bills mounting up started to have a negative impact on our marriage. It seemed that everyone around me was getting pregnant, and that our chance of adding another child to our family was just passing me by. I did the best that I could to put a happy face on. Every time someone would invite me to a baby shower, I would just cringe. I felt so resentful inside, and yet I kept telling myself that until I was willing to let that go that this wouldn’t work itself out for me.
When my siblings started adding to their families, I tried to be happy for them, but inside I was dying. I was so envious, and yet I knew that was wrong of me. I just knew that I was meant to have another child. All the pills, all the temperature checking, and no matter how hard we tried nothing seemed to work. And yet, something inside of me kept saying… don’t give up, you are on the right track. It was around this time that my friend Kellie (who knew what we had been going through) asked if we had ever given any thought to adoption. It seemed she had seen an article in a magazine about a woman in New York who had adopted a little Chinese girl. A light inside of me went off.
I rushed out to the grocery store in search of this magazine. I had to see what she was talking about. I will never forget reading that article. It was like it was an answer to my prayers. I quickly started calling agencies. I was sure since Keith himself was adopted that he would be thrilled with the idea. A few weeks passed, and the first packet of information came into the mail. My mouth nearly dropped when I read all the information. The average cost of adoption was $12,000. Where in the world would we ever come up with that kind of money? I have never felt so distraught in my life. I cried and cried. Keith promised me that we would find a way; it would just take some time. But I knew with our finances in the shape that they were there was no way. Finally I just told myself I would only have Johnathan, and he would be enough for me. Inside I knew that I couldn’t forget those little Chinese girls…. Inside me I knew that my baby was across the ocean. I just had to figure out how to get to her.
We did everything that we could to save a little money, but it seemed that something always came up to make us have to spend it. I decided that in order for us to put aside more money that our earning potential had to go up. Keith had been with his company for many years, and he was somewhat locked in to what he was making so I decided to focus my time and energy on school. School was a good diversion for me. I graduated first in my class in 2000, with Johnathan and Keith there cheering me on. I had a job lined up for me before I even finished school. I was 33 years old, and I was finally on my way.
Since the $12K had seemed so far away, Keith and I had all but stopped talking about adding to our family. But now with the extra money that was coming in I began to feel more confident that we could afford it. In an effort to bring up the idea with Keith, I planned a trip to Las Vegas in August of 2001. What Keith didn’t know when he boarded the plane with me was that I had secretly packed brochures and pamphlets from every adoption agency I could find on the Internet. We were fixing to make a decision at least in my mind that would alter our lives one way or another.
After a nice dinner one night, we went back to our hotel room, and I brought up the idea of having more children. He said that he had never stopped wanting to add to our family, but because I had seem to have found some inner peace, he thought it was better left alone. He also felt that something had been missing from our lives. When I brought up the idea of adoption he was thrilled about it. He said that it would be wonderful to have another child. And so the thought of our baby was conceived, right there in the hotel room in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Once we got home, we mulled over endless mounds of agency paperwork. Things seemed so complicated. Dossiers, authentications, translations, it all seemed so foreign. Yet I knew at the end of this mountain of papers was the answer to my prayers. One night my mother called me with the name of a lady that had just adopted a little girl from Kazakhstan. My mother thought that I should call her and talk to her. I took her name and number, and called her.
Tina told me all about what a great agency she had used, and Keith and I both liked the idea of the agency being inside Georgia (our home state). I called the agency and they sent out the package of information to me. Needless to say after checking their references, we were sure that this was the agency for us, so we sent in our application fee of $200.
We had just decided on a home study agency when the China program coordinator called us to tell us that they were going to have to shut down their China program. Again my heart just dropped. It was like having a miscarriage to me. Our coordinator not to give up that there were other countries we could consider. She told us that she was going to have the Vietnamese coordinator call us, and maybe that would be a program that we would consider. Once I spoke with the Vietnam coordinator and heard how enthusiastic she was about Vietnam, I went home and together Keith and I carefully considered our options. We looked at the coordinators wonderful website and some other information that she sent us via email. Keith and I just decided to go for it. We both felt comfortable with the agency, their references, and the coordinator. We were going to take this as far as it would go.
Within three months we had done a home study, gotten INS clearance and had our dossier on its way to Vietnam. I can’t tell you how excited I was when I put that package in the mail. Our dossier was submitted in Vietnam on April 17, 2003. All I had to do now was wait. I tried to throw myself into getting ready for the baby. I could hardly bring myself to buy anything because I was so afraid that something would happen. I did a lot of research on Vietnam, and I spent a lot of time with Johnathan because this would be the last days for him as an only child.
Our agency had an email list serve set up for its clients, and lucky for me I met Kristi early on during the process. She had turned her paperwork in just a few weeks before me, so she and I became good friends while waiting together. We would imagine about our babies together, and we talked about our babies together. I can’t tell you how important she was to me in my adoption journey.
Once Kristi told me that she had accepted the referral of two beautiful children, I was so excited for her. She kept me posted on her travel plans. I looked forward to hearing about the baby showers. It made my time seem to go by so much faster. When I saw the pictures of her babies the first time… I just cried. They looked exactly like I thought that they would. I officially named myself Aunt Kim.
When Kristi sent me an email from Vietnam that she had seen the children, I was so happy. It felt so good to be connected to Vietnam through her. Before she left for Vietnam, we talked about how she just might see my little girl there, but Kristi shared with me after she came home that she didn’t feel like Anna was there. Little did she know how right her feelings were.
Keith and I continued to get ready for our baby. We finally broke down and started painting the room, and buying furniture, but I wouldn’t buy clothes and things. I was just so scared that something was going to happen that I wouldn’t be able to live with that I felt like it was better for me to just as disconnected as I could from the process. It was about this time that we also decided on a name. Our daughter would be called Maianna Louise.
July 18, 2002 is a day that I will never forget. I was getting so frustrated because it seemed like nothing was happening. Keith called our coordinator to ask her how much longer she thought that it would be before we heard anything. Keith never even got to ask her the first question. She started to tell him the news, but he stopped her. As always, he looked out for me. “She has gathered every sheet of paper that it took to adopt this baby, you call her at work and tell her. She can fill me in when she gets the news.” Of course all of this happened without my knowledge. All I could hear when I got the call was “HAPPY REFERRAL DAY!!” I began to weep.
My heart was so full. I completely stopped working. I had to put my coordinator on hold so that I could get a coworker to come and write all of Anna’s information down. I trembled and I cried. All I could think was that I couldn’t wait to see the face that had been burning in my mind for as long as I could remember. Everything had worked itself out just like he said that it would. I couldn’t believe that I was going to be a mother again.
Anna was born on June 9, 2002. With the time difference that meant that she was born on Keith’s birthday. We found out the circumstances surrounding her relinquishment, and we now knew that she was in Lang Son Vietnam. All I could ask is when can I go and get her? I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on her. At that point, I would have gladly paddle a canoe to Vietnam myself to pick her up.
I
left work as soon as I hung up the phone because Anna’s photograph had
been forwarded to my home email account. Keith and I had decided that we would
wait and see the photos together. It was all I could do when I picked Johnathan
up from school to not just blurt out the fact that he now had a baby sister.
Riding down the road I just couldn’t imagine how our lives were going to
change, and I couldn’t get my car to move fast enough to get me home.
When I pulled into the drive Keith was waiting on me. We both laughed and smiled. Johnathan still not knowing that we had “had” our baby that day was oblivious to why we were acting so giddy. Keith had the phone line all hooked up I noticed as I sat down at the computer to finally see my adorable little girl.
It seemed like it took the Internet hours to connect. Once I got the email account opened, I saw the email from our adoption agency, and I clicked on it and smiled at Keith. We sat there together as the imagine of our daughter loaded into the computer. All I could say is “She is fat!!” Anna was more than I had dreamed she would be. I thought instantly that she looked like Keith. We were given five photos of her. I forwarded them onto everyone that I knew. We were so excited. Johnathan came into the computer room and asked us what we were talking about. He asked who the baby was on the computer monitor. (By now he had become use to asking me whose baby is that.) He looked shocked once I told him that was our Anna.
I stayed on the telephone with parents and grandparents the entire night. It wasn’t until late that I finally got to talk to Kristi. I was so excited to talk to her about my baby. She was extremely happy for me. She had just gotten back from seeing her two angels, and she was more than ready to go and get them. We laughed and talked for a long time about her little boy and my Anna marrying someday.
For the entire night, I was locked on the computer monitor. I would look at her and just cry. It was almost unbelievable the feeling that I had for this picture. It wasn’t the picture… she was the child I was meant to have. I walked around in a fog for the entire weekend. I felt like I just needed to pinch myself. I knew that I had to get myself together or I would never be able to pull this off. We had waited until we knew her specific information before we bought clothes and things. I wanted to have plenty to do after her referral so that I would be busy.
Probably the hardest decision that we had to make was who would go and submit our dossier. We could have both gone, but I felt like I was already so attached to this child that I would be unable to leave her. Not to mention the fact that I was going to have to go back to work, and I wanted to spend as much of time off with Anna. As hard as it was for me, Keith was going to Vietnam to meet Anna and submit our paperwork without me.
Go to Part 2 of Anna's Adoption from Vietnam, by Kim Saxon.
Copyright 2003
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